Method #4: Start Doing It With Someone Else

I'm serious. I'm starting to think it's this girlfriend that is causing a good portion of the stress in my life that is contributing to this problem. I never had the problem before.

Tonight she invites me over, and then starts picking fights left and right. I make one of my witty remarks during some Puff Daddy reality show, and she just outright says, "I just want quiet right now." Who says that? After nine or ten other snaps at me, she says, "Why don't you just go home?" Life is too damn short to be like that to other people, or more importantly, to be around people who are like that. Sometimes she tests me, and really doesn't want me to go, but this time I think she really did want me out of there.

I put on the Barrack Obama concert with Stevie Wonder, and she says, "Why the fuck would you want to watch this?" I say, "Well, it's just a living legend performing for our first Black president at a time where it's exciting to be an American for maybe the first time in my lifetime, but yeah, you're right. Maybe we should put on some of your Friends re-runs." I mean, yeah, it was snotty of me, but I was fed up with the way she was snapping at me. She, of course, says, "why don't you just go home." I said I would. After I finished my drink.

Tony Benet comes on stage next, and he starts singing "For Once in My Life." He's so old, but his voice is still so great, and the words are so beautiful. I started tearing up thinking, maybe I need to be understanding because this is the woman I love. Maybe I just need to be patient when she's like this, and maybe she just wants me to reach out. Right when I'm about to try to extend the olive branch, she says, "This guy sucks." I say, "He's 80-years-old for fuck's sake!"

I then turned the TV off. She says, "Why are you doing that?" I said, "Well, that's optimum silence, right?" She asks me again to leave.

I say, "Okay, it's been real," and left. I don't plan on returning her calls either. This might be it. I whistled "For Once in My Life" loudly as I put on my shoes, but I should have done "Evil Woman" by ELO.

To think, I did that thing from Post #2 to prepare for the night, drove through a rain storm, and when I got back, my cotton-pickin' parking spot was taken, making me have to walk through the rain. All that for that one hour evening?

I didn't even get any lousy two minute sex out of the deal.