Method #4: Start Doing It With Someone Else

I'm serious. I'm starting to think it's this girlfriend that is causing a good portion of the stress in my life that is contributing to this problem. I never had the problem before.

Tonight she invites me over, and then starts picking fights left and right. I make one of my witty remarks during some Puff Daddy reality show, and she just outright says, "I just want quiet right now." Who says that? After nine or ten other snaps at me, she says, "Why don't you just go home?" Life is too damn short to be like that to other people, or more importantly, to be around people who are like that. Sometimes she tests me, and really doesn't want me to go, but this time I think she really did want me out of there.

I put on the Barrack Obama concert with Stevie Wonder, and she says, "Why the fuck would you want to watch this?" I say, "Well, it's just a living legend performing for our first Black president at a time where it's exciting to be an American for maybe the first time in my lifetime, but yeah, you're right. Maybe we should put on some of your Friends re-runs." I mean, yeah, it was snotty of me, but I was fed up with the way she was snapping at me. She, of course, says, "why don't you just go home." I said I would. After I finished my drink.

Tony Benet comes on stage next, and he starts singing "For Once in My Life." He's so old, but his voice is still so great, and the words are so beautiful. I started tearing up thinking, maybe I need to be understanding because this is the woman I love. Maybe I just need to be patient when she's like this, and maybe she just wants me to reach out. Right when I'm about to try to extend the olive branch, she says, "This guy sucks." I say, "He's 80-years-old for fuck's sake!"

I then turned the TV off. She says, "Why are you doing that?" I said, "Well, that's optimum silence, right?" She asks me again to leave.

I say, "Okay, it's been real," and left. I don't plan on returning her calls either. This might be it. I whistled "For Once in My Life" loudly as I put on my shoes, but I should have done "Evil Woman" by ELO.

To think, I did that thing from Post #2 to prepare for the night, drove through a rain storm, and when I got back, my cotton-pickin' parking spot was taken, making me have to walk through the rain. All that for that one hour evening?

I didn't even get any lousy two minute sex out of the deal.

Method #3: Yoga

I figure all that stretching, breathing, relaxation, and shit has to do something for my anxiety and related "problems." I signed up for my first class this Saturday. It's a beginner group, which leads me to believe I'll be the youngest guy in there, and probably the least flexible - all the more embarrassing. I'm seriously the least flexible guy I know; I can barely touch my knees let alone my toes. Still, I have a buddy who moved to L.A., and he said ever since he started doing yoga, he has felt better in every way, and he even got much, much better at basketball. I never asked him if he got better at . . .

Oh, speaking of which, I had a decent performance last night. My girlfriend was acting really sweet, I felt really relaxed, and I was able to go a real long time with her on top. She knows I'm having issues, so she was trying to ask me how I thought a local sports team is doing, and all kinds of shit. I know, I'm a lucky man. She even said she was trying not to make too much noise, but I can tell she was excited because she said it all restrained and it was all the more sexy . . . Yeah, that didn't really help. She got turned on and really wanted me on top, so I got on top. I immediately started getting nervous, and sure enough, I sucked.

However, I'm going to consider this a small victory. I did some good bottom work. Sure, I had to keep my eyes closed, and she had to talk sports and keep from letting out any moans, but it's still better than I've performed in over a month. It's going to happen. I need to be positive. I'm going to be a stallion again. Hell, after all this yoga, I'm going to want to get in all kinds of nutty positions, and she'll be trying to keep up with me! I figure it will just take five or six . . . hundred classes.

Method #2: Masturbating More Often

Yes, the age old theory: If it's not as volatile of a volcano, it won't be so quick to erupt. I've been upping the tugging over the last couple of weeks to see if it will help, and it hasn't been proven to work yet for one simple reason: I haven't gotten a chance to have the sex since I started. That's two sentences in a row with a colon, and I apologize for that because I'm not supposed to get into the colon until entry number 73.

It's weird whacking it out of an obligation. The only other times I can think of is if when I'm desperate to fall asleep, and to a more serious degree, if someone were at a sperm bank. I've never "donated," but I have done it get to sleep on many a night. That's the usual time to do it, but trying to get one in after work because you don't want to suck in bed later is just . . . strange. I don't think man is supposed to jerk it this much. I feel kind of sick and weird with my mid-day pulls. I mean, I knew that this blog was going to be a journey of self-exploration, but this is ridiculous.

I know a lot of people who tried to go without masturbation for lent and other reasons, but I'm the only guy I know stepping up my spanking regimen. I fear I'm going to have callused hands and a chafed penis, but at least I'll be better in the sack, right? I hope all I don't get better at is finding time in my busy day to schedule in a wank or two.

Method #1: Limiting Caffeine Intake

I have real bad anxiety. It's not obvious to everyone around me, but my heart races a lot, and my mind races even faster. Much faster. This is why I have issues during sex sometimes; I can't turn off my brain!

Caffeine heightens my anxiety, but I'm a caffeine junky and can't function without it. However, I'm committed to fixing this problem, so I cut all caffeinated beverages out of my diet. For three days I didn't have a drop, and I was a tired, crabby, lethargic prick. Thank the lord I accidentally drank some caffeinated tea. It was "lemon lift." That sounds herbal, right? Nope.

I immediately felt better. I was working on a creative project with some friends, and all of a sudden I was more upbeat, contributing more, and just . . . happier.

I can't cut caffeine. I just can't. But, I'm committing to stopping after 2PM every day. I just need that diet pepsi after lunch.

Intro

I used to be a real pipe-layer. I had complete control of when I decided to finish sexin' a young lady. I could go slow and sexy, hard and dirty, and any other way I liked. A few even told me that they had never had an orgasm through regular sex with no clitoral stimulation until they did it with me. They could all have been lying, and maybe I am right now, too, but the point is, I had some glory days. I swear!

Which is why this problem is so damned scary. It really came out of nowhere, and then it got worse as I thought about it more. I have a really hot girlfriend who's younger than me, and all I can think is, "This chick's going to leave me if I don't figure this thing out," which, of course, makes the problem worse; The more you think about it, the worse the problem gets.

Well, I'm determined to fix this thing, and I'm hoping to learn a little about myself, sex, science, and the world at large. I plan on continuing this blog until I have made 101 entries or I've figured it out, whichever comes first. God, please don't let me get to 101 . . .