My local baseball team is looking pretty good this year. Good starters, but the bullpen kind of blows. They also need a lead off hitter and a, holy crap that's hot! No! Baseballl. Baseball! So, the local baseball team, they got a great set of tits. No!!
I opted, instead, to try to name players from a football team of a certain year (have you noticed yet that I'm intentionally hiding what city's teams I support?). I must admit, I got pretty good at it. I could rattle off the entire defense in the first five minutes, work my way through most of the offense in the next five, but then I'd just hone in on the sex. After my sports heroes got me through the first part, I was in good shape, but that was before this problem. Now I can't even get through the defensive line, which is typically where I start, without losing it.
Someone told me to do the multiplication tables in my head, which seems like the perfect strategy, since there are no gaps in thought like there is in naming the football players, like transitioning from running backs to receiving corps, which is when thoughts of "don't blow it, asshole" can jump right in my head.
So, I begin, perhaps tonight, to go over my times tables with more fervor than I did when I was eight, sweating over flash cards, barely passing the third grade.
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